Talk dirty to me

April 3, 2011

I’m a story-oriented girl. When it comes to masturbation, it takes a good and dirty tale to get me there. I like written material (Penthouse Forum will do in a pinch, but I certainly prefer edgier writing) but best of all is a stranger on the phone, telling me stuff that nobody else knows about. Nothing gets me hot like a voice on the other end of the line, sharing their deepest, darkest, sexiest secrets. Lost your virginity in that backroad hayloft? Tell me. Secrets of a great blowjob? I want to hear. But I can’t keep a secret like that! I will want to try them out as soon as I can on an unsuspecting research subject.

The toys, the sheets, the room temperature — sure, these things all contribute to a good session of ‘roughing up the suspect’, but the critical ingredient for me is the voice. Whether you’re male, female, or otherwise-identified, erotic words are what put me over the top.  If I suspect your story isn’t true, it doesn’t work for me: yes, it is fascinating how your sister sold you into sexual slavery to her freshman college dorm mates, but I ain’t buying it. The truth is way sexier than fiction. Masturbation doesn’t have to be a solitary experience. After all, sex is supposed to be about connection.

I feel so lucky to have found my vocation. I host ‘Bawdy Storytelling’ and get to hear everyone’s juicy stories! These days I have random strangers calling and emailing me to tell me about their latest tryst, their first time with a man, that fall off a building that helped them realize they’d been a woman trapped in an ironworker’s body for all these years. I’ve become the go-to girl for ‘you’re not gonna believe this’ stuff. Talk about finding your niche!
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not rubbing one out while they share their tale, but if connection is what turns you on, I’m a very satisfied girl.

The next Bawdy Storytelling(s):
Wednesday, May 11th at the Blue Macaw in San Francisco
“CraigsLust: Tales of the Hookup’
Tuesday, May 24th at the Uptown Nightclub in Oakland:
“Girl on Girl: Women getting Bawdy”



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