Sex in the age of the iPhone 4

August 3, 2010

I’m all for technology that en-hances my life, but I’m not an early adopter. My boyfriend, however, loves the newest tech things. So when the new iPhone was coming out, he oohed and ahhed long enough that I was finally seduced and we both pre-ordered. It is pretty nice, but I’m most excited about its unanticipated relationship benefits. The first time we chatted via the iPhone’s FaceTime video conferencing, it invoked a ten-derness and affection for him that surprised me. I found myself stroking his face—the image of his face—as deeper feelings arose, and we were suddenly newly in love again. Many couples take expensive vacations to get the spark back. Steve and I may have found another solution where tantra and technology intersect. Peering into one another’s eyes is the first step to real intimacy, and video conferencing engages us without a workshop or a therapy session. Tantric eyegazing can be done without your iPhone of course. Just sit facing each other and breathe deeply while delving into one another’s eyes. This simple technique generates empathy and love, spiritually linking you. I also recommend to couples Icounsel to open their eyes during sex. So many find this uncomfortable at first. However, the act of catching each other’s eye can take lovemaking to new heights. When we slow down and take the time to peer into each other’s eyes and witness one another, we also have the potential to feel held in away that we may not have experienced since cradled in our parent’s arms. Not only is FaceTime generating more connection between Steve and me, I also predict it will keep the disagreements that spring upover the phone from escalating. Eyegazing keeps empathy flowing and can reduce rising hostility. The eyes communicate emotions and intent more directly than the voice alone; observing our partner’s facewhile talking allows us to read our partners better, inside and outside the bedroom. I see FaceTime, Skype, and others as having the potential to bring people closer together. Pay attention to how often you avoid your lover’s eyes, particularly if you are having a disagreement. If it’s astruggle, try the video conferencing experiment, even if it means calling each other from a separate room. Iwould love to know how it works for your relationship.


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SanFranSexy is a bi-monthly zine bringing a bulging package of Sex-Positive Culture to your doorstep. Every month we bring you juicy bits of news, events, resources, and advice keeping you in the know about what’s worth knowing in our sassy little town.

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