My Inner Pervert

August 3, 2010
By

I remember very clearly the week I embraced my inner pervert*. I was living in the Western Addition, sneaking out late at night for wild trysts or to attend any of a number of different sex parties. I tried to hide it from friends and neighbors; I was afraid people would judge. And one night, after doing the walk of shame, I looked at myself in the mirror and thought: this is who I am. I love sex, I love having crazy new adventures, and as long as I’m safe about it, there’s nothing wrong with what I’m doing. And for the first time, I believed that it was OK to be the person I really was, the person I hid from everyone. The person I am today.

About a week later, I ran into an elderly woman from my block. She said, “So tell me: what’s different? Every time I’ve seen you on the street lately, you’ve looked… luminous!” It was true. People can tell when you’re hiding something. They don’t have to know what it is, but there’s a difference between someone who feels authentic and someone who feels like they’re trying to sell a used car. By not accepting the me that loved crazy sexual adventures, I’d come across as person who was lying. And I was, but mostly to myself.

Since embracing my inner pervert (see above), I’ve adopted Popeye’s motto: “Be who you is.” I encourage people to tell their true stories onstage and off because when a person shares a deep, dark secret, the rest of us learn that we’re not alone. Whether you want to love (or make love to) someone of the same sex or a different color or just want to have sex for sex’s sake: it’s your call. There are no do-overs of life. Make it a crazy adventure! And if it results in a great story, please tell it to me. I do so love a good story.

* My definition of a pervert: someone with an extraordinary interest in, and love of, SEX.

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SanFranSexy is a bi-monthly zine bringing a bulging package of Sex-Positive Culture to your doorstep. Every month we bring you juicy bits of news, events, resources, and advice keeping you in the know about what’s worth knowing in our sassy little town.

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