“I’ve never been to a sex party before. What should my partner and I expect?”

November 3, 2010

Although particulars vary by event, in general there are a few things you should expect.

First: There will be people there in various states of undress, perhaps having sex, maybe making out, or dancing. It is, after all, a sex party.

Second: There is usually a social area separate from the “play” area, where you can take a break or get your bearings. Use it. Remember, you’re not required or expected to spend any time in the “play” area.

Third: Whether or not it seems like it, there will be plenty of people there who are just as nervous as you are.

As I said above, you don’t have to play at all. You can wear something sexy, socialize, dance, meet new people, and see what happens. Talk with your partner before the party about what you each want to experience at this particular event. Many couples agree to only be sexual with each other. Others decide they’ll make out and touch other people, but they won’t have intercourse or oral with anyone else. Some couples might have separate adventures, checking in periodically throughout the night. Others only play together. Do what’s right for the two of you and don’t worry about if you’re “doing it right.” Or even if you’re “doing it” or not.

Finally, there are a few points of etiquette:

  • Do be bold in initiating things. After all, that hottie you have your eye on might be as nervous as you are.
  • Don’t be pushy. If you get a “no”, thank the person for their consideration and wish them a pleasant night.
  • Don’t take a “no” personally. People say no for all kinds of reasons, including needing a break, prior agreements with partners, being a mismatch on sexual orientation, kinks, or other preferences. It’s not necessarily you.
  • Do use the safer sex supplies. They’re there for a reason.
  • Do say please and thank you. Manners are appropriate for all occasions. Perhaps most especially when fucking.

Most important is: remember to have fun!



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