Find your voice

February 3, 2011

I was very timid when I was in my 20s. I didn’t make a peep during sex, and I didn’t enjoy it much. Yet I continued to have sex hoping something would change, that maybe with time or another partner, the magic switch would flip and I would suddenly get to have what they were having: a fantastic orgasm. It didn’t exactly happen like that. There was a pivotal moment, though, that I want to tell you about.

One summer night when I was camping out, a lover stopped by for a romp. My dome tent was rated for four people, which actually meant two could sleep comfortably with their clothes on either side. After he climbed in and got cozy we began to make love in the usual way — quiet, slow… boring. Then the wind picked up. It blew the sides of the tent around, which encouraged us to move more too. As the wind became more fierce the branches of the cottonwood trees started to snap off around us with great cracks. Thunder boomed, trees split, and it was so loud all around us that we began screaming. Fucking and screaming into the wind, we were transported into the storm, were part of it, our bodies expressing as much as the elements did. It was the most amazing sexual experience I had ever had. I don’t remember if I had an orgasm. It didn’t matter. I had found my voice.

Notice how beautiful singing can move you, how we all desire to sing to our favorite songs on the radio. I believe we are called to sing and we can learn the song of sex. We can sing with our moans, our squeals, and our shouts, building the energy while encouraging and complementing our lovers at the same time. Simply yelling can turn a good orgasm into a great one. We can use our voice to egg our lovers on toward their own ecstatic bliss, with words like “yes”, “oh yeah”, or simple “mmmhs” (but try to avoid tacky or pushy phrases like “cum baby cum”). Humming while kissing or sucking is another way of singing our partners toward bliss. Even talking about the sex we are having or our fantasies can raise the energy.

But first we must overcome the shyness that gets in the way of good moans and screams. If you are having trouble accessing your voice because you feel foolish, try turning on some good, driving music while you have sex and then practice your humming and moaning. The music can be your guide. If you are worried about the neighbors, bury your head in a pillow and yell during your most ecstatic moments. The energy that you express with your voice can extend and amplify your pleasure to new heights. Enjoy.



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