Easy Ecstasy

January 3, 2011

Taoist and Tantric sexual teachings have swirled in and out my life for years, brought by various lovers, books, and teachers. I have embraced some of the beliefs and discarded others. I was not impressed by the lover who, after reading Mantak Chia, suggested I swallow because of semen’s supposed nutritional value. I think Mantak stated that one squirt was equivalent to a steak, a dozen eggs, and maybe a side of bacon, but modern science shows that semen has very little nutritional value. Ancient people thought semen was a vital fluid, like blood, and that loosing it would lower life expectancy. And my boyfriend didn’t want his wasted– though he didn’t mind ejaculating in my mouth, even if I gagged.

Just become some people are into ancient teachings doesn’t mean the ancients had it all figured out. Studies show that ejaculating regularly, i.e. several times a week, is important for prostate health, while also improving immune function, cardiovascular health, and reducing the risk of some cancers. Unfortunately, the taboo against ejaculating is still promoted in modern western Tantra. While I am a fan of precision control, discernment about where and when, and even the choice to occasionally abstain from ejaculating, spouting scientifically disproven ideas conceived before the invention of the microscope does not serve what true beauty there is in Tantric principles.

What I have retained from Tantric teachings is the art of intense presence and various techniques for increasing the ecstatic energy running through the body. Breathing deeply with intention and sound is the first step in grounding me in the intimacy of the moment, and keeps me from getting distracted by errands I should be running. The breathing can be at the beginning of a scripted Tantric ritual or anytime you want to get back to the bliss of the moment. It fills me up with energy that can turn tingly and ecstatic with the slightest encouragement. I then let my eyes soften; when I look then into my lover’s eyes, they help express my passion and joy. If you are not sure how to do this, practice in the mirror and seduce yourself with your eyes. When you can make yourself hot, you’ve got it. Then, with whatever sexual touch, lick, or thrust you perform or receive, continue to stay present by remembering to breath deeply, make sound, and reconnect through the eyes, often. I think this really sums up what Tantric sex is, at least for me.

I recognize that there are myriad techniques and rituals in Tantra and Taoist sex and that these can seem to make sex complicated and esoteric. While my description may sound easy, accessing the breath and energy in the body sometimes is not. I therefore recommend learning more traditional techniques that help you access these new feeling states, particularly if your natural ecstatic bliss was suppressed early in life. Get a book or take a class, but most of all remember that Tantric sex is about finding your way to nirvana right now and deepening the connection with the one you are on the journey with. If you come, so much the better.



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