Back Door Conquistador

October 3, 2010

Lots of people enjoy exploring the Hershey Highway*. Your winker* is full of incredibly sensitive nerve endings which can bring amazing pleasure. It can tap into the sense being naughty and playing with taboos. Since the chocolate starfish* contracts along with the rest of the pelvic floor during orgasm, it can add to the intensity when you peak. And if you have a prostate, it’s the best way to explore p-spot pleasure. Of course, not everyone enjoys playing with the dirt star* — but if you want to make exploring back passages* more enjoyable, here are the three key ingredients.

1) Relax. Successful buttsex isn’t about forcing the browneye* open. It takes practice and even anal aficionados need some warm-up. Start off with something slim like a finger or a small dildo. And don’t be goal-oriented. It only stresses you out and makes everything tighten up. After all, there’s a reason we call angry people “tight asses”.

2) Lubricate. The cornhole* doesn’t lubricate on it’s own so you’ll need a little help. You really can’t have too much lube! Imagine being on a Slip ‘n Slide and hitting a dry patch! A general rule is: If you think you have enough, add some more.

3) Communicate. The ass flower* is a lot more delicate than the vagina, so you need to be careful. Check in with each other every so often. It doesn’t need to be a mood-killer. “Deeper! Faster!” works, just like “Hold on a minute. I need more lube.” Dirty talk is a great way to make sure everything is working and keep things hot.

There are some great how to books and movies to show you the way. Just don’t copy the buttsex you see in porn – they all lube and warm up before the cameras turn on. Learning sex from porn is like learning to drive from action movies. Someone is going to get hurt.

Bottoms up!


* all references to ‘anus’ have been replaced with humorous colloquialisms by the Editor. So mature.


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